Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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