Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
