I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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