Don't make out with my wife yet
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
