i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
