it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
