i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
