Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
