I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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