Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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