We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
