did you get engaged???
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
