Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize