slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
