the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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