you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
