Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
