She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
