toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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