I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
