I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
