i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
