We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
