I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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