if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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