Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
