Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
