you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
