He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
