Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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