Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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