Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
