She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
