his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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