I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
