PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
