How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
