I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
