I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
