and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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