So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
