so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
