I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
