Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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