im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
