i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize