I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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