Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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