We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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