Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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