I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
