he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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