1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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