Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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