I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
