Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
