He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
