his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
