Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
