If that was your dad, he is hot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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