it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
