Quick, to the slutcave!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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