What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
