it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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