i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
