I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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