My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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