i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
