whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
