i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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