The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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