garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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