and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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