Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
