the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this boner is exhausting
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
