Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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