k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
