Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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